If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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