Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
