I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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