It's like God shit irony all over that family
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
