i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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