I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
