So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
