I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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