So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
