where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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