there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
