Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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