Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize