I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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