Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
