you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My ass is underappreciated
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
