you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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