Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
