i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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