I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
