I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
