I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
