They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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