sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
