those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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