So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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