in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
