The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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