apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
