my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
