i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
