how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
