if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
