and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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