At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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