then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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