The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize