you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
