You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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