You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
