She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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