someone owes me an orgasm
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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