If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
