My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
