I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
time to smoke my breakfast
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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