Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
