And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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