I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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