porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
