Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
