You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
A+ Viking dick
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
