There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The uberlube is also flammable
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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