some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
