Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
