for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize