I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
