sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
