I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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