dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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