I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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