So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
