so explain again why im purple
no
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
