Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
