I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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