what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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