I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
