this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
