i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
