just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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