Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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