I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
