You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
