Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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