We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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