is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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