Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
