He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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