You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just high enough for therapy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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