Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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