Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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