I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
