Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
