I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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