Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
