Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
