Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
