Dude my mom stole all your condoms
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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