My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
