it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
