I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
