He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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