u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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