I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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