I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
